No Sex
Ladies and Geltlemen of the G.E.D. class of 1999
I have one piece of advice for you
No matter what a stripper tells you, there is no sex in the champegne room ... none
Oh, there's champegne ... in the champegne room,
But you don't want champegne ... you want sex
And there's no sex in the champegne room Don't go to parties with metal detectors
Sure it feels safe inside,
But what about all of those n*****s waiting outside with guns?
They know you aint got one
If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16 She's 12,
If she tells you she's 26, and she looks 26 ... she's damn near 40
Take off that silly ass hat
The ODB couldn't have possibly have done all those crimes ...
Coolio did some of that shit
Young black men, if you go to a movie thater, and someone steps on your foot ... let it slide
Why spend the next 20 years in jail cause someone smugged your puma?
Cornbread ... there aint nothin wrong with that!
No matter what you think of what I'm saying, just remember this one thing ... there is no sex in the champegne room
No sex in the champegne room
No sex in the champegne room
No sex in the champegne room
No sex in the champegne room
No sex in the champegne room
No sex in the champegne room
There's absolutely, positively, no sex in the champegne room
If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn't been homeless that long
A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny
If a girl has a pierced tonge, she'll probably suck your dick (that'd be great)
If a guy has a pierced tonge, he'll probably suck your dick (don't want that, no)
Here's a horoscope, for everyone
Aquarius: you're gonna die
Capricorn: you're gonna die
Gemini: you're gonna die twice
Leo: you're gonna die
Scorpio: you're gonna die fucking(oh yeah)
No one goes to hooters for wings
If you've been dating a man for 4 months, and you haven't met any of his friends, you are not his girlfriend.
Some of the things I said may not apply to you
Some of the things I said may offend you
But no matter who you are, you must remember this one thing
No matter what a stripper tells you, there is no sex in the champegne room.
No sex in the champegne room
No sex in the champegne room
No sex in the champegne room
No sex in the champegne room
No no sex in the champegne room
No sex in the champegne room
Can't get none
Can't have none, no in the champegne room
There's absolutely, positively, no sex in the champegne room, said no, no, said no, no
Said Chris said, there aint no sex in the champegne room, no, no
fades off ...
Since I've already warned you from swares and such, here's a section from Chris Rock's book:
HBO:When a new prisoner comes in, how do you initiate him?
INMATE:The first thing I do is make him toss my salad
HBO:Toss your salad? What's that?
INMATE:Havin your salad tossed means havin' your asshole eatin out with jelly or syrup. I prefer syrup
I am not making this up
HBO:Wh-wh-why must you go through all that, sir? Why not just oral sex?
INMATE:Well, when a man's sucking your dick, he can pretend it's something else. When he's eating ass he knows it's ass.
We don't need the death penalty. We've got the tossed salad man. If I had the choice between the electric chair and the tossed salad man I'd be like, "where do you plug it in? shouldn't I be wet first?"
Everyone's talking about public education out of control.
"We need tougher rules. We need prayer in school."
We don't need that shit. We just need the tossed salad man. He'd straighten out those kids
TEACHER:Hey, Jimmy. You got a D. You know what you've got to do
JIMMY:NOOOO! NOOOO! I don't wanna toss a salad! I don't wanna toss a salad! I'm gonna read! I'm gonna learn to read!
